I am writing this in recognition of my shadow side, a part of me that I’ve done my level best to ignore and reject, up until now that is. My forties are about self-protection and acceptance, not self-destruction. My wish for you dear reader, is that if you haven’t already arrived at this epicentre, you learn your lesson early and avoid the discomfort involved in trying to rid yourself of an essential part of who you are. For, to be whole, you have to be the sum of all your parts!
When I refer to my shadow side, I mean all the very human petty jealousies, unpleasant cruel thoughts, externally directed anger, all the thoughts emanating from your internal well of pain. You know them, because they make you feel uncomfortable, unworthy, less than zen, human, earth bound, ugly inside. In our culture, just having them is considered dirty and sinful, and bringing them into the open and owning them is an absolute moral violation! Can you imagine the conversations if people were that honest in a constructive way? Maybe one day….
Some of us choose to spend our lives trying to meditate that bitch out of ourselves. That continual rejection not only prevents the Holy Grail of “wholeness”, it reaps a lifetime of repairing all the self-destructive fury she creates from being outcast. She deserves her place at your table, her role is often largely self-protective, she’s your inner warrior fighting to protect you. So, do not deny her, you don’t need to flaunt her either, she is for you alone and will only cause harm if unleashed on anyone else. All she needs is to be owned, listened too and accepted.
I tell my children to get to know, accept and own their shadow selves, so that they may know themselves completely. It’s helpful to know your hidden corners, it’s stops things lurking there unchallenged and not dealt with. Your shadow side is also your internal signal that something isn’t right but out of kilter inside you, triggered by someone else, but related to you. So, pay attention to the message you’re trying to give yourself, the truth in those thoughts. Well, it’s all very well giving my kids this most excellent advice but it’s high time I took some it myself!
Since Dad’s untimely demise, I’ve travelled so far and literally through the valley of darkness. And, I’d say I’m still in its shadows, lingering at the edges before this final release. I’ve spent a lot of this lifetime trying to rise above my dark emotions, rationalising what has been done unto me with my natural compassion and emotional intelligence. Besides, it’s hardly befitting for this spiritual witch to be scrabbling around in the human cesspool of jagged hurts. Or is it? The Greek Gods didn’t undermine their own ambitions with consideration of others.
I am not a natural judge, possibly from the accumulated lifetimes of persecution I’ve been through. I certainly do not sit upon high either, despite being a witch and High Priestess no less. I know my shadow side, but I’ve never until very, very recently acknowledged its importance or place in my life. How I could have missed that when I get so much, the balance between light and dark, yin and yang, but there you go… It’s all a journey, things make themselves clear in the correct order, trust in that.
And, this darkness is very powerful and seductive, which is why I caution to not let it loose onto others, it really has nothing to do with them. If you summon all your shadow thoughts right now, can you feel their energetic resonance? Can you see the fires of your rage in your mind? If, you acknowledge the truth that thoughts have frequency, imagine how much earth you would scorch if you channelled this wrath outwards.
A friend, and another powerhouse — Death Queen, told me to give myself permission to let all this darkness fly in my soul. To feel it without restrictions or ends, because eventually it would speak its truth and its power to hurt me would dissipate, leaving me totally free and unbound to the individual that caused it. After all, nothing happens for no reason. Own your own truth people.x